Before we became parents the concept of “Mental Load” was largely theoretical as both of us were easily able to manage the everyday logistics of our own lives. With children coming into the equation everything suddenly becomes a juggling exercise - at least that was our experience.

I’ve read in several publications that the mental load or, to use a different wording, the organisation of everyday logistics is often predominantly done by women/mothers.

We try to share all tasks as evenly as possible. We both work approximately the same amount of time. We both earn similar wages. We share costs on a 50:50 basis. We both took the exact same amount of parental leave. However, the logistics of everyday life have, without even trying to aim for that, drifted more towards my wife.

How do you go about sharing this task? What kind of technical/IT solutions do you use to remain on the same page? Is it even necessary to share this task or are there others ways to “specialise” in certain areas of being a parent?

  • toxla@lemm.ee
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    23 hours ago

    It’s important to talk and understand what is part of “mental load” for the other. There are some aspects of life that you might not think is a load but is for your partner. I’d say that anything that would make you less tired will have a positive impact on your capacity to handle mental load as well.

    • Go for a walk outside with the kid during its nap so the other can sleep (even a small noise from the baby could wake you up)
    • The house will be less clean and tidy than before : how much does it have an impact on you (you tired + house is a mess)
    • You can anticipate your medical appointements and check when are mandatory visits (check up + vaccines)
    • Clothes will not last long, try to get some “old baby clothes” (they have been worn like twice) so you have always clean clothes + you don’t have to run to the shop because its too small
    • Leave clean baby clothes in your trunk.
    • You can subscribe to automatic diapers delivery online (+ wipes etc…) so are less likely to worry about running out of diapers