Before we became parents the concept of “Mental Load” was largely theoretical as both of us were easily able to manage the everyday logistics of our own lives. With children coming into the equation everything suddenly becomes a juggling exercise - at least that was our experience.
I’ve read in several publications that the mental load or, to use a different wording, the organisation of everyday logistics is often predominantly done by women/mothers.
We try to share all tasks as evenly as possible. We both work approximately the same amount of time. We both earn similar wages. We share costs on a 50:50 basis. We both took the exact same amount of parental leave. However, the logistics of everyday life have, without even trying to aim for that, drifted more towards my wife.
How do you go about sharing this task? What kind of technical/IT solutions do you use to remain on the same page? Is it even necessary to share this task or are there others ways to “specialise” in certain areas of being a parent?
This is a pertinent reminder that I too have let the mental load ratio slide at times, young kids here in hetero relationship. For a while we have divided the day-to-day duties into a morning and night activities split. For cooking and cleaning we both handle it as our timing allows and the mess develops. Since my work schedule is more flexible I address intra-day child needs like dropping things off at school, doctor’s appointments.
My future planning and preparation are weaker than my wife’s or maybe thats the tendency to shift my mental load on her for those sorts of tasks. To balance out I’m the one taking action on most of the activities that were scheduled, shopping for food. In that way the planning step was hers but the follow through is mine (and reliably so).
Regardless of the actual distribution though of any given tasks or load, as others have shared its probably the communication on the perceived burden that is more important.