Will you join in our crusade, will you be strong and stand with me?

Beyond the barricade is there a world you longed to see?

Then JOIN IN THE FIGHT, that will GIVE YOU THE RIGHT to be FREE!

(legal disclaimer: just quoting song lyrics, it’s not illegal right? Hello Mr. FBI Agent watching me 😏)

For example: Netflix run on a browser, but it only sends you encrypted data, you need to enable your browser’s DRM setting to decrypt this data. For HD content, it uses L1 Widevine that only works on Secure Boot enabled and TPM enabled Windows installation. So the decryption runs in the secure element, then data displayed on your screen. I’m no expert but its designed in a way that makes screen recorders unable to capture the video, resulting in a blackscreen.

If you try to play it on Linux, it reverts back to L3 Widevine which only for netflix they only allow SD content to run with L3 Widevine

Of course you can use an actual camera to record the screen, but then its a degraded image.

So Youtube could theoretically enforce L1 Widewine on every video, if they wanted to.

“I don’t want to be remembered, I want to be alive”

-CGP Grey, in denial about death

Life is rough… emotionally all over the place… existential crisis, identity crisis, depression, childhood trauma… can’t even sleep at night…

Anyways: Just found a cool song, immediately became my favorite… at least until I find a better one: Kelly Clarkson - People Like Us

Lyrics are great, the MV makes it even cooler. I feel so hopeful listening to it. It’s an anthem. My anthem. Our anthem.

Weird timeline…

I mean I wonder how humanity even survived coldwar…

Heard of Vasily Arkhipov? Stannislav Petrov? What if they weren’t there. Someone else was in control?

We’s be dead.

How the fuck does humanity even exist. Like dozens of “close calls” jesus christ.

My theory is there are 100s of timelines where humanity nuked itself. 100s of timelines where I was never born, or got kidnapped during that “running away” incident, or got murdered by my brother during a fight, or died of suicide.

Sometimes… I wonder if there’s a “plan” for me… if “god” exists… maybe the universe doesn’t let me die.

Like some pre-destination thing. Like how in time travel shows, someone tries to commit suicide but it fails because they are alive in the future so its impossible to die in the past. Like Steins;Gate with Okabe. Or like Final Destination where deaths have to happem in order…

it’s “not my time to die” yet… so death doesn’t let me die till its time.

Just a theory… 🤷‍♂️

Oh jeez… heads up: a lot of racism and very vile unhinged shit being described: (seriously, it’s gonna make your blood boil if you read this, last warning):

So my older brother is a racial supremacist and hates black and brown people.

And I already know what you’re thinking when you hear the term “racist”: “must be a white dude in southern rural US”

No, no no no. We are a family of immigrants. We are non-white. We’re from China.

The first time I heard about this was like sometime around 2017 to 2020. My older brother was complaining about African Migrant workers living in China… a country he no longer has citizenship status in… because he went through the US citizenship process to become a citizen of a multi-racial immigrant country…

So… to reiterate: a non-white immigrant is complaining about other races in his ancestral country that he has no citizenship in… let that sink in…

Literally “White Replacement” Conspiracy Theory, but replace the term “White” with “Han Chinese”.

He complains about ethnic minorities in China “getting special privilages” (aka: “affirmative action”) 🧐

So he dislikes CCP, not because of human rights violations against minorities… no no no, not that, but because CCP is “doing too much to help minorities” (in his view at least, whether or not the CCP actually help minorities in reality is a whole another thing)

He believes there’s a secret plan by the CCP to replace China with African Migrants because of the population crisis… so he thinks the government just wanna fill up the loss of population with random foreigners…

And he calls black people “cockroaches” that “keep spreading too much” by “having too many kids”

But guess what: HE FUCKING COMPLAINS ABOUT TRUMP BEING RACIST AGAINST ASIANS 🤦‍♂️ fucking irony lmfao (he’s a registered Democrat… I’m pretty sure… supports progressive polities when it comes to wealth, but opposes progressive social policies… so… a social conservative but fiscal liberal??? (is that even a term?)

Dude is so fucking lost into conspiracies, they make my parents look like saints. My parents used to be very prejudiced, but eventually come to be more accepting of multi-culturalism and the idea of living in diversity after spending so much time in the US. And now my mom has to be the one to shut down my brother’s bullshit rhetoric he spews in the livingroom.

Oh, also kinda anti-vax about the Covid vaccine, but somehow okay with a tetnaus shot when he stepped on a nail.

And this is this is also the brother that abused me as a child… constantly fighting me… then want to play with me when bored and has no friends to talk to… then wanna fight me and discard me after he uses me.

Seriously idk why he even became a US Citizen…

The only reason he didn’t vote for trump (or so he says, it’s not like I know what he marked in his ballot) is because he isn’t white, had he been born into a white family, he’d totally vote trump.

I’m so glad, I didn’t end up being brainwashed by those insane beliefs, jesus fucking christ.

No idea where the fuck he got that shit from… so fucking vile…

But then again, he was abusing me when I was around 5 or 6… he used zipties to restrain me when he deemed me “annoying”, played with fire at home, maybe his psycopathy is a gene, maybe a gene that luckily I didn’t get? Random mutation?

Idk… my parents aren’t even this vile in their worst moments, must be a random mutation. Or maybe its environment. Or maybe the internet’s fault.

Oh fuck. Fucking staggered elections, jfc.

Detroit: Become Human was actually an attempted insurrection secretly orchestrated by Cyberlife

If the Androids win, then they get voting rights then Cyberlife use their backdoor to control them and then easily win elections by keep making more Androids and have them vote for their candidate.

LOL ITS LUNAR NEW YEAR YEAR OF THE HORSE so fitting 🤣

My zodiac animal is also horse LOL

Lol, thanks, but no need for the compliment really, since I came to the US when I was 8 years old, this is not really “excellence”, this is just the standard expectation. If I didn’t have this proficiency, then that would actually shameful since I came at such a young age.

On the otherhand, my Chinese never progressed beyond 2nd grade level… that’s when my education in China stopped since that’s when I left with my family.

I can understand basics. I can read basic characters.

But once you throw in a few complex words like “embryo”, I’m gonna struggle and need English subtitles to understand a tv show. If I see a wall of text in Chinese… it makes me have a headache (figuratively), and I talk like a 2nd grader lol

I’m the only one in my family that really prefers English. Everyone use Chinese in their phone system language, I use English. My brother being 5 years older has a more noticible accent, and he has a weird racial supremacy ideology thing so he just stuck with using Chinese as the system language.

So now I feel this weird language barrier in my own house and I can’t express my thoughts well, my mom doesn’t exactly understand that much English… I mean she does, but not well enough to get into deep conversations and emotions and stuff.

And yes I write poetry sometimes and I’m trying to write a memoir.

Yes I’m still living with my family of origin. We’ve been living together since I was born. Been with this family for like 23 almost 24 years… I never developed the self-esteem and confidence needed to be independent. Felt anxious and depressed having to deal with this family for so long I got so used to it.

(Also notice how I shifted and say “this family” instead of “my family”… yea I sometimes do this in my head…)

I don’t how how to feel safe being alone… I’ve just relied on my parents to provide me that feeling of comfort I actually feel scared to let go… I couldn’t deal with college, so I had to move back. Separation anxiety and depression. So idk how to even handle a job, feels so overwhelming. It’s not like I don’t want to, it’s that I feel so exhaused I have no energy to do it. The last summer job I had made me so depressed since I just can’t stop thinking about all this system… every day everyone have to just work to death for money… my parent have a small bussiness and so they constantly spew “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” bullshit since they made it, and are threatening to withdraw their support… so I just feel even more scared… even threatened inheritance… constantly get called “lazy” for my depression… that this family caused… sometimes I look at google maps of a bridge nearby and jumping off of it seems so enticing.

I was never supposed to be born. One Child Policy was in effect. I was just the result of PRC government failing to enforce their policy, my mom wanted an extra child because she told me that she really like to have babies for some reason… idk… maybe she’s afraid of being alone when older? She said partly she wanted me because she wanted me to be my older brother’s playmate…

So I think how it happened was that: CCP didn’t know about me until I was already born, too late to “terminate” me. Some people found out but never reported it. Also she was not living where her Hukou was registered. Hukou was in Taishan (rural), she went to Guangzhou for work. So they don’t enforce it as harshly because of some jurisdictional issues that I still don’t fully understand, like it’s not “their people”, my mom didn’t have Guangzhou Hukou, so they felt it’s outside of their responsibility so they didn’t care as harshly as those registered under them… or something like that I think. If she was back where her Hukou was registered, then they would have enforced it more strictly and I would never exist.

So anyways… I’m an “illegal child”… parents had to pay lots of fine… somewhere like ¥20000-¥30000 Renminbi, I don’t think they even remember the exact amount anymore. So I only got my legal papers after the fine was paid. Without it I could never have had a passport to leave China so I’d probably be left behind or something. So thankfully my parents actually paid the fine to get my papers.

My dad has 3 sisters (all born before One Chils Policy I think), they are all in the US. The oldest sister filed the petition in the 1990s for sibling family-based immigration, it was approved in like 2010… a long ass time… I wasn’t even born when the original application, they had to add me in later, and that required the PRC government being willing to issue my documents, whihc required the fine…

So yea, after my mom gave birth to me, they took her to do a surgery to make sure she can’t be giving birth to more children “結紮” is the word mom said, I think it translate to Tubal Ligation or something… according to wikipedia

So we are the only two. Both male.

Most people have one child. Rural people can get an exemption if the first child was female. But first born is male means no exception. So two male children is like rare. I think its rare, I don’t have stats on it. My maternal grandpa was so happy about it… male-preference and all, since all his kids are female (my mom had 2 sisters, and then their kids are also female I think)

There is a “timeline” out there where my older brother is the only one in this family. He must be happy in that world, without my existence that “annoy” him.

The whole incident, copy pasted from a previous comment:

I was Guangzhou, China. Ran away from home after my older brother was chasing me around the house… i don’t remember what instigated it, allegedly I touched his toys? and he didn’t like it and got mad at me and wanna beat me… grandma was home and didn’t do shit since she’s old af, so I just… ran to the door, opened it, rans out the apartment, down the stairs, into the alleyway of my building (not really a “street”, not much cars or traffic, you’d have to walk like 10-20 minutes to get to the main road), and my building was next to 白云山 so I just went there up the mountain… instead of going to the main street…

IDK why I did that. I was 6 years old… decision making ability wasn’t the greatest…

I didn’t wanna be followed by grandma… I was angry… I wanna get away from home… so going though the path in the mountains with the twist and turns would lose anyone following…

Before that incident, I went to 白云山 often with parents… so that’s probably why I felt comfortable venturing there…

so… yeah… a 6 year old boy in around the late 2000s… all alone… crying… prime target for a would-be kidnapper…

I was told that kidnappings were a widespread thing that authorities didn’t/couldn’t do much about… mom later scolded me about it… I got so terrified after that incident…

so, anyways… then I took a path that exited the mountain near my school which was also right next to the mountain area, it was an off day, no school… I think I only went to that area because that’s the only exit from the mountain that I knew of… cuz sometimes my parent or grandma… whoever was watching me that day… would take me trough that shortcut by the mountain to school to save time from the “normal” path through the city area…

So I then went towards the main street 广州大道北 on the alternate alleyway… and ventured into the big city… I took a bus to my mom’s work place at her electronics store in a mall… bus driver didn’t give a shit, probably assumed I’m someone elses’s kid…

Got there, mom wasn’t at work…

So then I took the bus home… missed my stop cuz I fell asleep… like holy hell I fell asleep, someone could’ve grabbed me and claimed they were my parent and I doubt anyone would intervene…

So I walked back that 1 stop of distance back to the stop I was supposed to stop at and it felt like it was 30 minutes away… felt like an hour to me… then I saw mom with a bunch of cops and we got reunited…

Mom got alerted by grandma so she got off from work to report me missing… that why she wasn’t at work when I got there

I was gone for probably several hours… could’ve been kidnapped and possibly murdered for organs at any time. My mom told me about that young boys that would get organs harvested by traffickers and girls would get sex trafficked.

I still have trauma from that day… mom blamed me because technically I ran out of the house on my own free will, but it was my older brother who made the house felt unsafe in the first place… he’s 5 years older than me btw

Flag is ROC technically, but westerners all just call it “Taiwan Flag” nowadays. That flag used to be the flag of actual Mainland China before 1949, that’s when the CCP took over.

I’m actually from mainland China, currenly overseas residing in the US. Flying the 5-star red flag (PRC flag) makes me look like a CCP shill, flying the star-spangled banner (US Flag) makes me look like a right-winger, so the ROC flag is the only one I feel comfortable using as a flag, the closest I can identify with.

I have a story of when I “ran away” from home when I was 6 year old due to sibling violence… I mean honestly you can just search through my profile and find a lot of stuff.

Trauma dumping on the internet feels better than therapy honestly lol

I first got internet access in 2010. Phones didn’t exist in 2010s… well I didn’t have one at least.

So I just… made a facebook to talk with school friends when I’m at home… I only ever had like single digits of people to add… like I didn’t speak much English and hard to connect with anyone that didn’t speak Cantonese (or Mandarin). (still typed English on the chat tho.

Eventually I left nyc and I just deleted my facebook because I think I just didn’t feel close with them anymore.

I don’t think I even ever “posted” much if at all… I just used it for facebook games, which I eventualy grew out off.

Then I re-made an account to connect with someone back in nyc, then later I just feel like its too awkward to continue chatting since we havent talked for months/years (forgot how long) and I deleted it again after just exchanging a few “oh school in Philly is crazy lots of fights”.

Then I spent some time on some game forums.

Then I found reddit. I just scrolled through the top platforms and a pseudo-anonymous platform is exactly what I wanted… being an introvert.

I mostly scrolled, never posted much. Didn’t have an account most of the time, only occasionally made throwaways to comment then nuke it in a month or so… don’t even remember any of the usernames I used.

Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked on June 12, 2023

Some people actually be toxic irl and have a false persona of a “good person” on their online (real name) accounts

idk how they do it, but browsers have DRM built right into it, you can play a stream from netflix but if you try to record it, its just a blackscreen…

Youtube could implement the same thing… I mean Google literally made Widewine

Also, apparantly you also need Secure Boot and TPM enabled to get the full HD content, otherwise it runs on Widewine L3 instead which only displays content in Standard Definition… not HD.

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I mean that’s what DRM stops…

You can’t record it, its just a blackscreen…

You can try it. Or Try asking a friend/relative to screenrecord their netflix… its just black

I mean unless you literally take out a camera to record it… but then the video quality degrades since you aren’t gonna get a 1:1 from making a videotape of a screen.

but that also doesn’t exactly like “overt politics”… whatever that means

There’s a timeline where humanity died during a Cold War going hot scenario. Probably 9 in 10 timelines, humanity died, we live in a rare one where we had Vasily Arkhipov and Stannislav Petrov (and others) to save us.

Sometimes I wonder what the “stayed in China” timeline looks like for me…

I really like this timelime where I have native-level English to be able enjoy American movies and TV shows… Chinese media is very boring IMO.

I think watching American movies as a Chinese instead of Chinese-American would be more… challenging… cuz its the same as current-timeline me watching Anime and having to use subtitles… like its still enjoyable… but it’s sort of “missing something” I feel like… Like it’s a bit harder to immerse yourself into the story, know what I mean…

I doubt I’d ever learn English well if I didn’t have this timelime’s opportunity to immigrate to the US.

Also some western movies / TV shows might be harder to find in mainland China… cuz firewall… censorship… I’d be missing out on a lot of media… idk if I’d be able to ever get a functioning VPN had I never left China.