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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: March 20th, 2024

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  • According to Brent Staples’ essay from a few decades ago, about how to not be seen as threatening as a black man in the US: “And on late-evening constitutionals I employ what has proved to be an excellent tension-reducing measure: I whistle melodies from Beethoven and Vivaldi and the more popular classical composers. Even steely New Yorkers hunching toward nighttime destinations seem to relax, and occasionally they even join in the tune. Virtually everybody seems to sense that a mugger wouldn’t be warbling bright, sunny selections from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. It is my equivalent of the cowbell that hikers wear when they know they are in bear country.”















  • For her, a quota might be how she relates to the world. I think the important parts are that you are telling her how much time you need and what types of together time, and that she is making time for you.
    That might not be a permanent way of things. But it’s how she might need it structured initially until you have a routine.
    I think the important questions are: are you having fun? And do you see a future?
    If she is making you a part of her life, and hearing you out and trying to respond to your concerns, those are good signs for the latter.


  • People operate at a certain standard. Social connections / mess tolerance / chaos in their life are some examples.
    When they haven’t reached their quota, they will adjust their life until their quota is met. I would expect this person to continue operating in the way that they have been. It’s totally reasonable to state your expectations on how much time minimum you need to continue the relationship. Then, if they don’t fulfill that, that’s on them.