Cool, if it’s also Art Nouveau.

Goddammit, now I want to get out my box of washable markers and color myself from toes to nose! I’m going to be a grownup and remind myself it would use up all the markers.

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.” Phyllis Diller

Look Mommy, I’m a kitty! I have whiskers! 🕸️☺️

Tell your wife the situation beforehand, because it’s possible the girl will tell lies in retaliation for her hurt feelings. If she’s been crushing on you the scenarios are already in her head, she won’t even have to make them up. Stay calm and remember you’re the adults.

I think you got autoincorrected from “deployable”

If you have a bank of mailboxes that sticks out from the wall, you could try perching the “return to sender” envelope on top of the boxes, with maybe a post-it that says “Outgoing Mail” on it.

Since it’s important for health to consume some of the green stuff, it’s helpful to find out how you dislike it least. For instance, cooked spinach is just as revolting as raw, but you only have to swallow about a quarter of the amount because of shrinkage. Broccoli and Brussels Sprouts are better if you roast them until they mostly taste like brown. And shrinkage happens there, too.

Zucchini is a green vegetable that’s less offensive imho, and can hide in a spaghetti sauce without ruining it.

Don’t go with any recipe that “celebrates the delicious flavor” of anything you don’t already like.

You can also be your own mom and puree veggies into the gravy/sauce of your meat.

Anyway, good on you for eating the veggies first. It’ll also start filling you up, so the steak will feel more satisfying.

Maybe if you think real hard about a person going into a seizure and flinging themselves backwards, it’ll pop back in your head the next time you go to type “seize” and help you remember.

If you have all the lights on, that one little light won’t bother you as much because your pupils aren’t dilated.

The asses’ milk would moisturize skin. I assume a water rinse though, because old milk stinks and could cause a yeast infection.

The asp was legendarily her choice to commit suicide, though it was probably an Egyptian Cobra, if it was a snake at all. (Asp bite death is slower and much more painful than cobra bite death.) I have a theory that the asp legend depends partly on the fact it’s easier to rhyme “asp” than Egyptian Cobra. As for snakebite in general, I note that male artists have universally portrayed the snake biting her on her bare booby. That’s not actually a good way to get the venom quickly to the heart/brain/lungs, because boobies are mostly fat, but it makes good pornArt.

Oh don’t you hate that? Happens too often, especially typing on my phone and the cat or the spouse needs is asking for something so I’m rushing to finish and BLARGH! It’s ruined!

I guess I got here too late, but in a case like this perhaps the most helpful thing you can do is call ahead and warn everyone “the migra are coming, the migra are coming!” like some kind of modern Paul Revere. That way, the legal citizens can be ready to stall and be unhelpful while anyone with reason to fear can scatter. And if someone is legal but brown they can grab the papers that prove they’re not supposed to be scooped up as well.

Probably because when you were a baby you put everything in your mouth, so the data bank is large

Having random superb owls appear in my feed is very cheerful!

That’s all good! From experience, owning vs. renting doesn’t help much to make cleaning any more enjoyable, at least not after the first week. But at least if you decide you just can’t deal with some aspect, you can change it.

Four cats and your jobs, you guys are definitely doing this on Hard Mode!

Maybe you could figure out some sort of rewards system, like cleaning the home => delivery dinner. And of course if you notice something is clean and you didn’t do it, voice your joy!

I would like to say I use a heavy-duty dry swiffer on the floor (wood) every other day, but honestly maybe twice a week. It gets tons of dust and cat hair and it’s quiet and fast. I have an old fashioned feather duster that does a decent job on shelves of books and knickknacks without moving them, and fascinates the cat. I have a wet mop but don’t use it often. I put MERV13 filters in my HVAC, but I realized the suction was lifting the nearby ceiling tiles instead, so I taped them down.

Consider what contributes to dust in your home: I don’t go out much, and can’t track in mud, but I live over the garage in my apartment building, over a very busy street, and have sliding-glass balcony doors for windows, so a lot of my dust is tires and exhaust. Also pollen year-round because SoCal, and of course cat and myself shedding. Litterbox dust too, at least she’s not a big digger. I don’t have laundry machines in my unit but I imagine they’d make lint dust. You might not be able to change things that add grime, but it helps you feel less like it’s your fault.

When I worked in a china shop, we wiped down every item on every shelf with Windex (spray your paper towels, not what you’re cleaning) every day. But I was getting paid for that. It makes a huge difference, along with knowing someone else will notice.

The thing with gifts is to thank them for their intent, even if you tell them why you’re not going to keep the item.

If you don’t succeed in returning it, you might also consider giving it to someone with a movement disability, for whom the assistance might outweigh the privacy issue.

Most of the time I don’t get bothered by typing/autofill errors in others’ posts. (My own often get edited several times.)

But some bring out my inner schoolmarm. I try to restrict my corrections to times when the error is confusing, or if I have a mnemonic that might be helpful. I bear in mind that this is an informal forum, but someone might want to be able to get it right when it matters.