clever & funny bio goes here
When I was in middle school, on an organized camping trip to a lake where we would work on our canoeing skills, another kid and I started to horseplay. We were struggling over who could take a specific canoe paddle. My opponent held the handle, and I the blade. We each tried using the paddle to shove at the other & cause them to lose control, thereby securing the paddle for our own exclusive use.
Nevermind that there were a dozen other equally good paddles laying around unclaimed, we had to fight over that specific paddle.
I wound up losing my grip right as my opponent shoved. The blade hit me square on the bridge of my nose. I bled like crazy.
It wasn’t until several years afterwards that I realized how perilously close I had come to losing one or both eyes.
“Jared from Subway is such an inspiration!”
I didn’t come here directly after reddit. Stopped off at mastodon first, but it was too twitter-like for my taste. Saw Lemmy on a list of alternatives, and this place scratches the itch pretty well.
For a slightly above average banana, I’d pay negative 6.1 million dollars.
I would pay negative 6.2 million dollars to eat a banana at a press conference.
There are some decent to good video games available on Android & iPhone, of a wide variety of genres.
If you have the self discipline to not let gaming take over all your spare time (whistles innocently while totally not looking in mirror), it’s absolutely worth getting into.
Where to start? I recommend keeping it simple. If you don’t already own a desktop or laptop computer at home, it’s probably easiest to stick with games on your phone.
Personally, I play the following:
I don’t have the reflexes for active combat games. I like RPGs but prefer to play those on desktop.
People who don’t return their cart to the cart corral in the grocery store parking lot
I stuck my dick in crazy.
Life pro tip: don’t stick your dick in crazy. Just avoid crazy altogether.
In my defense, I was 20, she was the first person I ever had sex with, and I was too horribly depressed to recognize what a bad idea it was.
The Wire
The Sopranos
Deadwood
Justified
Bosch
If you’re open to comedic stuff:
What We Do In The Shadows
Resident Alien
Miracle Workers
Don’t rawdog a rando
Wearing a rubber every time unless you’re in a committed relationship greatly reduces your chances of an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.
Cheese pizza is probably one way to get yourself banned (at a minimum)
In my defense, I’m half asleep, and due to lack of caffeine, didn’t notice the bit about “which could actually happen in the next 5 years.”
So with that in mind, I’ll say something about environmentally friendly raw materials for super efficient battery storage.
Star Trek-style matter replicator/recycler. Just imagine being able to empty a garbage dumpster into a bin, shut the lid, press a button, and an hour later you get stacks of industrially useful metals & materials, bolts of cloth, and sacks of fertilizer.
Depending on the day, my favorite movie is either The Big Lebowski, Hot Fuzz, or Knives Out.
Late fall - gets cool enough at night that I sleep really well, without being so cold throughout the day that my toes get cold.
Depends on my mood. If I’m feeling good I’m usually pretty nice, but if I’m hangry then I get not-nice.
Taylor Swift. She’s cute I guess but her music is the audio equivalent of a lukewarm stale glass of milk.
Same. Keeping the details purposefully vague even though the statute of limitations has long since expired.
I was out with friends having fun and actually stayed at the bar until they turned on the lights at closing and kicked us all out. I knew I was drunk but figured I should hit up the Taco Bell on the other side of the parking lot and eat in my car. Surely that would soak up enough alcohol to sober me up, right? I recall taking the most direct route possible to get back home, keeping my speed just below the limit. No cruise control so I had to focus as much as possible when it’s late, you’re tired and drunk and have a stomach full of grease.
The middle portion of the drive home was on a single long major arterial surface street. Luckily there weren’t any red lights since I doubt I could’ve stopped in time. The most terrifying moment was when I saw a cop car approaching me from behind. As I had a mild panic attack, he passed me up, didn’t turn on his lights, and went about his evening.
The rest of the trip home was uneventful. I got home safely, swore to myself I’d never be that stupid again, went to bed, and woke up the next morning probably still reeking of cigarette smoke and booze.
This is the single thing I am most ashamed of that I’ve ever done in my entire life. It’s more shameful than the time I lost my cool and shouted the n word at a kid when we were in middle school. It’s more shameful than the time I walked around high school with an unknown to me giant rip in my pants that let everyone see my sponge bob undies. It’s more shameful than when my dad caught me beating my meat to a Runner’s World magazine because I couldn’t find a Playboy.
I am very lucky that the cop just passed me by. I am very lucky that I didn’t have to drunk call my family at 4am to come bail me out of jail. I am very very lucky that I didn’t hurt myself or someone else.
True to my word, I’ve never done it again. I don’t drink at all any more, and even when I still did, I had a very strict two drink limit for myself if I was driving.
I don’t think I’ve ever even mentioned this when I’ve been in therapy. I’ve been in a relationship for over a decade and I’ve never even told my partner about it.
So yeah Lemmy. Learn from my mistake. Please. If you plan to get fucked up, have a safe ride home that doesn’t involve you driving.
While on a school trip, I ate a lot at a greasy buffet, then we went to a theme park. After one ride I managed not to barf but I wound up spending the remaining time in the park laying down on a bench trying to control my nausea.