World is an absolute shit show with no signs of improving, personal life just keeps turning upside down, everything makes me terminally tired. I am trying to remain positive and be a positive force for others. I do stuff to make me feel better, like art, take walks, talk to a therapist, grow plants, community work - and I do manage to squeeze a tiny happiness out of my activities but it doesn’t seem to be worth the effort. I try to connect with people and quite a few people actually seem to like me but socializing makes me feel exhausted. I catch myself thinking “Let the fucking war arrive and burn it all down” and that’s terrifying stuff to carry in one’s own head. I just feel I’m part of the overpopulation and that there’s no point of existing.
I have a kid and don’t want them to be sad because their crazy parent offed themselves and that’s all that keeps me going.
Those of you feeling like this: what keeps you going?
The knowledge that western domination over the world is crumbling, that neolibarlism is becoming discredited, and that the capitalist system is imploding. Meanwhile, there’s plenty of positive news coming out China every day. China is building infrastructure, transitioning off fossil fuels, and improving the standard of living for its people. China is showing what an alternative cooperative model of development looks like, one that’s not based on constant war and exploitation.