I know this is gonna sound like the “Where exactly, so I can avoid it” meme, but I’m sincerely trying to avoid it.

I am pretty physically active, and get massage every six months or so. I have a massage therapist I usually go to, but every once in a while it’s an emergency and my go-to is booked up, so I get a sketchy strip mall massage.

About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt. Not that I’m against the concept, but I refuse to pay for sexual contact on principle. Also that cuts into the time spent on the actual massage I came in for, and pressures me into a huge tip for something I don’t actually want.

At the same time, I don’t want to assume. It seems pretty rude to start off with “I know you’re gonna wanna give me a handjob but I’m not interested”. So is there some kind of standard “initiation” ritual that I can turn down when it comes up?

  • bizarroland@lemmy.worldEnglish
    691·
    9 days ago

    I get a non-happy ending massage about once every three to six months, just depending on whenever the tension has built up enough.

    I tried out a new place that was just called Thai Massage that I literally pass by every day on my way home from work and when I walked in I had sketch vibes right from the beginning.

    I figured, what the heck? I don’t know. The place does look a little rundown, but it was $60 for an hour, and they required that I pay in cash, and that should have been my clue to turn around and leave.

    But I said fuck it, I actually had the cash on hand, so I paid the $60 up front and stripped down to my undies and laid there on the bed and the lady walked in and she was a relatively attractive 50-ish year old Thai lady and she just laid her hands directly on my genitals and said, “You like?”

    I quickly told her, no thank you, I just wanted a regular massage.

    She gave me a very lackluster regular massage that only took like 35 minutes.

    Disappointing all the way around probably should have taken the hand job instead, honestly.

    • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.worksOP
      2·
      8 days ago

      Wait like right up front? What I’m talking about is like 3/4 of the way through, after you’ve flipped over. Did you start face up? I always start face down.

      • bizarroland@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        8 days ago

        I was going to turn face down when she showed up but she took a minute getting into the room so I was just waiting.

  • HotDayBreeze@lemmy.world
    58·
    10 days ago

    There’s some clear clues on which venues are happy ending parlors.

    • Avoid places with completely curtained windows. At least the lobby area should be visible to the public.

    • Seek out places that refer to “massage therapists”. Avoid “masseuse” or “massage parlor”.

    • The “crystal healing” “sound bath” hippy dippy places might try to sell you mushrooms but they are less likely to grab your dick.

    • Avoid cash only places, they are trying to hide paper trails. Even if you’re paying out of pocket, any place that accepts insurance isn’t offering a “secret menu” .

    • Low stated prices might mean they get by on big handy-based tips. They’re cheap for a reason. Medium priced places are just charging for normal services.

    • Check what kind of person is in their online reviews. If it’s a middle aged man talking about how beautiful the “girls” are, skip. If it’s a Karen complaining about how they used CBD oil, it’s probably fine.

    • Strip malls in general seem to attract this business niche, too. I’m not sure why.

    If you’re normally comfortable getting a massage naked, consider keeping your underwear on for your first visit with a new practitioner.

  • DrSoap@lemmy.world
    47·
    9 days ago

    So I get massages a lot. I’m a lady but its a pet peeve to hear someone getting tugged off in the next room. I’m not rich so I often go to places that run specials or discounts. I figured it out. Its a rub and tug place if they have curtains in the windows and it’s a straight massage place if you can see into the waiting room. People aren’t embarrassed to be seen waiting for a massage. They are not as excited for you to be seeing them go into a happy ending place.

  • TheDoozer@lemmy.world
    43·
    9 days ago

    So this probably doesn’t help (except to back other people’s experiences), but there was an asian massage place across from the place I got oil changes and tire swap/rotations (as stud to normal and back). I went there a couple times (first was weird about tipping, but I figured it was a communication issue), got comfortable with it, and the third time the lady put her hand on my junk and just raised her eyebrows. I slowly shook my head, and she went back to a regular massage. That was the last time I went there.

    My wife was actually super upset. Not at me, but for me, saying I had been sexually assaulted. I had to explain that while technically that might be true, I was not in a position of vulnerability, she was just doing her thing (and I was clearly in the wrong place), and I get to define my own experience.

  • Zannsolo@lemmy.world
    421·
    10 days ago

    I’ve only had it offered one time and it was at a placey MIL suggested when I was in town. I usually go to cheaper Asian massage places too.

    So towards the end of the massage she tapped my dick through the towel and said you like? I said no and couldn’t wait to tell my MIL where she sent me.

    My FIL went there for science after and confirmed my story and says he also said no but I have doubts.

  • Edges@lemmy.zip
    36·
    10 days ago

    I…never knew this was a real thing.

    I don’t think there is any easy way out besides going to the same backup place and hoping they’ll remember your preference.

  • DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth
    21·
    10 days ago

    I never have but I do get massages: Stick to licensed therapists in places like sports clinics, reputable spas, and actual massotherapy businesses and this shouldn’t really be a problem.

  • Diddlydee@feddit.ukEnglish
    171·
    10 days ago

    I mean, you could just book one of the many normal licensed sports therapists instead of the shady wanky ones maybe?

  • Apepollo11@lemmy.world
    161·
    10 days ago

    I appreciate this is probably the autism, but I’ve always been fascinated that most people seem to be comfortable with stripping down and being oiled up and touched by a stranger.

    The odd thing is, I’d totally understand this in a sexual context - but for people to want this kind of contact just as a service, like a haircut or something, seems utterly alien to me.

    I realise this doesn’t answer your question, but like I said, I’ve always been fascinated by the concept.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      19·
      10 days ago

      There is a very severe lack of non-sexual touch In the world right now. Massage is so nice, it’s therapeutic. I get esthetician facials too - if you want a less fraught (for you) experience of the same sort of experience I highly recommend those, and so good for your skin too.

      • ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        6·
        9 days ago

        I tense up if other people touch me. I can get a massage without being white knuckled these days, but I can’t imagine actually wanting to touch another person.

        • sem@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          4·
          9 days ago

          I used to be jealous of it, like when my coworkers at summer camp were comfortable laying next to each other and partly on each other in a cuddle pile on a couch, just in a platonic non-sexual, but close way. But i was new and didn’t know what to do.

          For me, the skin to skin contact feels nice, relaxing, close, safe.

          I can imagine not wanting to touch another person, because i get those moods too, especially with strangers or people where the social context is unclear. But it is really nice for me when it’s the right place and time and people.

    • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.worksOP
      15·
      10 days ago

      I’ve never been uncomfortable with being naked or being touched. And I’m actually an extremely sex-positive person.

      But I get massage because I get sore muscles. It’s not about just being touched, it’s directed pressure to work out muscle knots. If I got a massage and all they did was oil me up and lightly touch me, I wouldn’t be going back.

      • RBWells@lemmy.world
        5·
        9 days ago

        Yeah I miss my sadistic masseur so much, I used to go to a guy who was like 6’5" and strong and gay - ideal combination - and the massages hurt but I would feel so much better after. I don’t need it to feel good during the massage, what I want is to fix whatever is going on. I realize logically that the hard pressure is not necessary to release muscle tension and fix things, but it has been more effective for me personally. I want to feel better after the massage than I do during it.

        • sem@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          2·
          9 days ago

          Endorphins are a hell of a drug. I also saw a legitimately sadistic massage therapists with, let’s say, differences in feeling empathy from most people. Best massages ever, but eventually it didn’t feel safe.

        • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
          2·
          9 days ago

          Hard agree, although mine is a middle aged Asian woman who talks about how fucked up my back is as she’s torturing me. 100% feel better after though, like immediately.

    • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
      9·
      9 days ago

      Well, there’s different kinds of massage.

      The generic spa-style massage is more about relaxation, and is done in a setting that shifts the context to being fairly impersonal.

      More medically focused, or sports focused (lot of overlap there) massage is being done with a goal in mind, usually in a setting that also makes it feel less intimate than it might otherwise (even with the same technique involved).

      Just as an example, I trained up in a handful of massage methods over the years. Lymphatic release, myofascial release, deep tissue, a variant of shiatsu, and the bog standard “just rub the muscles that are tense” kind that isn’t really a technique/style at all. What would be used depended on my patients’ needs and preferences.

      Deep tissue, I really never broke out on patients though. A few, but it was rare. That was more for friends that were in need due to muscle issues.

      Myofascial release is superb for people with reduced mobility and/or spacicity since out favors fairly gentle pressure that directly unloads where the muscles connect.

      Your lymphatic release is also low pressure, and is kind of the default for both a post-workout massage as well as geriatric patients and bedbound patients. It focuses on moving your juices along to the center of the body sp that associated buildup of wastes will be enhanced

      But what remains true is that most massage is best done on bare skin. Not all benefit from lubricants though. Myofascial release, in particular, becomes more difficult and> less effective because you really need to be able to apply focused pressure without movement as part of what you’re doing.

      • sem@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        2·
        9 days ago

        Will massage therapists generally be familiar with deep tissue massage if you ask?

        I think that’s what i used to get, where it felt like i was getting my tendons re-adjusted and stuff, but i didn’t know how to ask.

        • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
          2·
          9 days ago

          Yeah, almost guaranteed. Won’t necessarily offer it as a service, though the vast majority should. But any proper professional would know what it is, and likely know how.

          There’s some degree of variation in techniques, but that is likely what you were getting. Deep tissue can outright hurt, but the goal is to get into the muscles where hard tension is and unkink it. It uses steady, usually slow, but forceful pressure to really get past the surface.

          Which is why not everyone will offer it. It is very demanding for the practitioner, and patients may or may not actually want it, and just think they do lol. My hands can’t do it any more. Hell, I can’t always pull off the easier stuff. Arthritis sucks lol.

    • AgentRocket@feddit.org
      7·
      10 days ago

      Have you ever had a sore muscle or stiff neck and massaged it to relax it and alleviate the pain? Imagine that being done by a professional that knows exactly where to press to relax a muscle and for your whole body.

      • NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world
        5·
        9 days ago

        And with the pressure they use it can be uncomfortable or somewhat painful in the moment. Its not arousing. But it works wonders.